The year was 1991 and hair bands were the big music of choice. Then BOOM! Nirvana pioneered a hurt, loathing, and angry genre of music that was called Grunge! Kurt and his band single handedly killed hair bands (Praise GOD), changing the musical landscape forever. Kurt was the center of the Grunge scene, and yet he did not want his new found attention or fame. He hated that he was “the chosen one” of this new world changing movement of flannel wearing, un-kept long hair, pro-claimers of how awful life is. Kurt was a 27-year-old man who was in a hard place and struggling. He struggled with abusing anxiety drugs from all the pressure to perform and sadly ended his life at his home with a letter
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainer, this note should be pretty easy to understand.
When we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. I have made too many mistakes and can’t see how to correct it. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
This was the last thoughts that Kurt had on this earth and it breaks my heart knowing he had money, family, friends that cared for him and his music but couldn’t handle what life was giving him. Jesus was a man of passion and empathy towards people, poured his LOVE on children, poor and the hurt, yet he had a plan and purpose for those that chose to follow him. Matthew 16:24 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” When I read what was going through Kurt’s mind about not being good enough, that he just made too many mistakes I think of Peter and Judas, who were two of Jesus twelve disciples who both made bad choices. Peter denied Jesus to the angry mob in Luke 22:58-62 “A short time later, someone else saw Peter and said, ‘You are also one of them’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I am not!’ About an hour later, another man said, ‘It’s true. I’m sure this man was with him, because he is from Galilee.’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I don’t know what you are talking about!’. Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. Then the Lord turned and looked into Peter’s eyes. And Peter remembered what the Lord had said, ‘Before the rooster crows in the morning, you will say three times that you don’t know me.’ Then Peter went outside and cried bitterly.” Peter talked a huge talk about following Jesus, even dying for him, however this isn’t the case in this passage. And then there is Judas who was the disciple who sold out Jesus to the religious leaders (Pharisees). Matthew 26:14-16 “Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, ‘What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?’ So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over”. He later found that opportunity and betrayed Jesus. So here Jesus had two of his disciples who both made bad choices. However, Peter and Judas had two very different responses to those mistakes. Peter overcame his bitter sadness for what he did and was a witnesses to Jesus coming back from the dead. And Jesus had to confront Peter (John 21:16-19) with questions about loving him and at the end said “Follow me!”. Judas on the other hand reacted like Kurt Cobain to his mistake. Judas went down that rabbit hole and ended up killing himself. Matthew 27:1-3 “When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. ‘I have sinned,’ he said, ‘for I have betrayed innocent blood. ‘What is that to us?’ they replied. ‘That’s your responsibility.’ So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. Judas had an amazing thing going for him, he was with Jesus, saw miracle after miracle, but just like Kurt he couldn’t see what he had and get past his mistakes. Jesus offers hope, and a fulfilling life, like stated in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Allowing Jesus to lead us equals beautiful attributes. There isn’t a mistake we have made so bad that Jesus wouldn’t forgive and restore a loving life with him. 1 John 1:9 “But if we confess our sins, God will forgive us. We can trust God to do this. He always does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrong things we have done.”
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainer, this note should be pretty easy to understand.
When we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. I have made too many mistakes and can’t see how to correct it. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
This was the last thoughts that Kurt had on this earth and it breaks my heart knowing he had money, family, friends that cared for him and his music but couldn’t handle what life was giving him. Jesus was a man of passion and empathy towards people, poured his LOVE on children, poor and the hurt, yet he had a plan and purpose for those that chose to follow him. Matthew 16:24 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” When I read what was going through Kurt’s mind about not being good enough, that he just made too many mistakes I think of Peter and Judas, who were two of Jesus twelve disciples who both made bad choices. Peter denied Jesus to the angry mob in Luke 22:58-62 “A short time later, someone else saw Peter and said, ‘You are also one of them’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I am not!’ About an hour later, another man said, ‘It’s true. I’m sure this man was with him, because he is from Galilee.’ But Peter said, ‘Man, I don’t know what you are talking about!’. Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. Then the Lord turned and looked into Peter’s eyes. And Peter remembered what the Lord had said, ‘Before the rooster crows in the morning, you will say three times that you don’t know me.’ Then Peter went outside and cried bitterly.” Peter talked a huge talk about following Jesus, even dying for him, however this isn’t the case in this passage. And then there is Judas who was the disciple who sold out Jesus to the religious leaders (Pharisees). Matthew 26:14-16 “Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, ‘What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?’ So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over”. He later found that opportunity and betrayed Jesus. So here Jesus had two of his disciples who both made bad choices. However, Peter and Judas had two very different responses to those mistakes. Peter overcame his bitter sadness for what he did and was a witnesses to Jesus coming back from the dead. And Jesus had to confront Peter (John 21:16-19) with questions about loving him and at the end said “Follow me!”. Judas on the other hand reacted like Kurt Cobain to his mistake. Judas went down that rabbit hole and ended up killing himself. Matthew 27:1-3 “When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. ‘I have sinned,’ he said, ‘for I have betrayed innocent blood. ‘What is that to us?’ they replied. ‘That’s your responsibility.’ So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. Judas had an amazing thing going for him, he was with Jesus, saw miracle after miracle, but just like Kurt he couldn’t see what he had and get past his mistakes. Jesus offers hope, and a fulfilling life, like stated in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Allowing Jesus to lead us equals beautiful attributes. There isn’t a mistake we have made so bad that Jesus wouldn’t forgive and restore a loving life with him. 1 John 1:9 “But if we confess our sins, God will forgive us. We can trust God to do this. He always does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrong things we have done.”